the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize