her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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