Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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