The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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