My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
