the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
