girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
