Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
