you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
