Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
