I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
