i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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