1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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