You smell like a Billy Joel song
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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