Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
