I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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