3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
