dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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