I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize