I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
