You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
