i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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