Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
