I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i now understand why vodka
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
