Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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