Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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