i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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