So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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