he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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