That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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