you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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