OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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