Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
