I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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