You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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