My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
