I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why do cheetos always look like penises
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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