I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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