So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
These tits shall not be calmed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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