wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
