he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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