hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
