i just wanna soil my oats bro
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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