I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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