We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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