Non-Jews are for practice
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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