Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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