South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
be right there i have to get my cape
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
