her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
