I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
