Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
