Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
