she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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