we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
