woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
