she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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