I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
