I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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