i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
